Celebrating Our Family in 2023
These days there are lots of beautiful versions of family. I am sure you’re no stranger to “modern family” examples in your life, and your definition may depend on your life experiences, both positive and negative. To us, family is shaped by faith and feeling (and trauma bonding in the military - but more on that later 😆). We are lucky to have a large family, but it can be difficult to feel connected when life is busy. Add the fact that many families are spaced out across the country or world and you face even more challenges! That is why I want to emphasize the importance of planning out small ways to connect to bring the people you love closer together.
Below you’ll find suggestions on strengthening and celebrating family this year!
1. Plan it out.
It’s not you - life is too busy to memorize every birthday or special occasion. Think of managing these dates as a matter of productivity just like your job - you wouldn’t do your job without calendars, schedules, etc. and this is no different.
Birthdays/Holidays: Lighten your mental load by taking inventory and programming birthdays and family holidays in your phone - birthdays can be added in Contacts and events in your Calendar. Then, plan what you’re doing. If you plan to call, set a morning-of alert OR if you plan to send a card, set a one-week alert. I’ve been doing this imperfectly a couple years now; the more events I add to my calendar, the better I do during my next lap around the sun.
Keeping in touch: Keeping in touch is important to help some people feel valued, but it is mentally draining when you (like me) have a limited social battery. Create a one-hour event in your phone (I do Sundays) to send a “hello, [thinking of you / fond memory / I’ve been up to _____, what about you?]” message to three people. After that I let myself off the hook! This ties in to our next strategy…
2. Set healthy expectations.
Go in knowing how much you have to offer:
For birthdays and Christmas, you are allowed to set a budget. Chandler’s policy is, “If we’re not going to see them in person, they’re getting a card instead of a present.” This is a hard perspective for me because I love making handmade gifts, but it balances me out!
Choose specific times for socializing as an introvert (discussed above) and set boundaries for how you communicate. Being related by blood does not give one person the right to hurt another, and you are allowed to set boundaries as you build relationships with your family members.
3. It does NOT take money.
Rant time: I previously worked for a university, advising grown-ass adult students on their high balance options and responsible borrowing. Every holiday season, panicked adults called me wanting to max out their student loans so they could get a stipend check (which is owed back to the government). One conversation which still bugs me was a student who was whining that she needed to “buy my kids Easter!” The conversation went badly because: First of all, you can’t “buy” your kids Easter - what you mean is you want to buy them candy and a cute outfit, maybe some of that crinkly paper you’ll be vacuuming up for weeks. Second: forms take time to process, funding takes time to be disbursed to the school, then ledgers must be reviewed, then leftover money is sent to you - it takes weeks. Finally: she wanted me to tell her kids I single-handedly “ruined” Easter. 🤦♀️
Anyway… Plan in advance to avoid emotional spending. You love your people and they deserve the whole world… BUT moving away from the “all or nothing” mentality we have will decrease stress and increase your capacity to enjoy the people you love. A simple gift, a well thought-out card, or a meal shared IS enough.
The good stuff starts here
Resources to Help You Celebrate Family
Save these “Keep in Touch” reminders to either your Apple Calendar, your Google Calendar, or your Outlook Calendar.
Check out our blog’s calendar for themed Organization Field Days with free printable resources!
Why I still write letters and how to make it painless…
Address Book - sticker printing file
The more years that pass, the more we recognize how HARD holidays can be. As we celebrate our loved ones, please give an extra helping of grace to the people around you on these days.
· April 10: Siblings Day
· May 8: Mother’s Day
· June 19: Father’s Day
· July 24: Cousins Day
· July 26: Aunt and Uncles’ Day
· August 7: Sisters Day
· September 11: Grandparents Day
The way you view “Family” could change over time. You could end a toxic relationship with a parent or sibling, you might adopt an elderly person or become a pen pal, you could discover a biological sibling and get to celebrate the special bonds of family with a whole new branch on your family tree decades into your adulthood. May you come to recognize that family is chosen not genetic, may you evaluate your own feelings in tough situations, and may you consider help from a professional such as a counselor if you have complex emotions about your family. 🙏
We want to hear, how do you define family and what does yours look like? How do you celebrate your family and get others involved?
